Saturday, 9 April 2016

The best method for building confidence fast

Core confidence means being strong, assertive and laid back regardless of the situation you're in.

Situational confidence is the most common kind that people build - I'm confident that I can speak to girls, but only when I'm drunk. I can talk to an audience, but only if it's schoolchildren. I'm not shy, but that's only when I'm with my friends.

Core confidence is something far deeper, more grounded and solid. If you are confident at your core, then you can be yourself no matter who you're talking to or interacting with.
This is the kind of confidence that a lot of people find themselves lacking, perhaps because they're intimidated when they interact with some people, because they're scared that if they be themselves they'll be laughed at or rejected.

Actually, here's some good news - when you're being yourself, sometimes you will get laughed at or rejected. But it doesn't really matter. Don't make a person you're interacting with into a prize - you don't owe them anything, you have nothing to prove to them. If someone doesn't like you for who you are, then no problem. Just don't make them part of your life.

Surround yourself with people who like you.

That sounds so obvious, but often people will try to find validation by pursuing someone, trying to get their approval. They can't be okay with themselves unless everyone else is okay with them. That's a bad way of living, because the people who don't get along with you aren't people who's approval you need to earn. They're just people that you don't click with.

If you have good core confidence, then you don't seek validation from others - you validate yourself. You don't see if other people approve of you - you approve of yourself.

So how do you build this kind of confidence?
Here's a useful technique, which is the fastest ( and possibly the only) way to make yourself really, really confident.

You know the person you are when you're at home in your underpants? When you're with your family, and you feel like it doesn't matter how you behave? The person you are on Christmas morning; the person you are when you're by yourself and you don't care how you look or what you say?

Be that person all the time.

Some people won't like it; a lot of people may reject it completely. But this is you when you're totally at ease, completely being yourself. This is the side of your personality that you need to strengthen.

Push through the people who don't like it, and you'll find a lot of people who do. They may begin to say that you seem ' more laid back ', ' more authentic '. More... You.

Keep being the person who you are in your pyjamas.

The more people you find who like it, the more this core will be strengthened. Eventually you will become totally at ease being who you really are, because your brain will learn that since people enjoy this side of you, this is the side that strikes the best balance - between getting along with others and being true to yourself.

And the alternative is to put on a fake front. That's incredibly minimising. You're shrinking yourself by basically saying, I need to be like this for other people.

Be like nothing for other people.

Be yourself, for yourself.

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