I find this phrase really annoying, but essentially, please consider this,
You only live once.
Or at least, you will only live once as this person you currently are. I will only ever get one shot at being Max, and you will only ever get to be whoever you are, once.
So, both of us have been given this life. If we're lucky, then we've been given about 80 years each to live it. Which would you prefer:
You settle for what you think you can get, be who you think you are right now, and whatever happens happens?
You live it the way you want to, as the person you want to be, with the stuff you want to happen?
I know I'd like the second option better. Hopefully you would too.
What that means is that both of us have momentum. We have where we are now, and then we have goals, where we want to be.
Some people might feel like their desires are a bit wrong, because of social conditioning. They might think - I really want to be a hip hop genius, but my friends would laugh at me for that. They might not want to hang out with me, Plus, becoming a hip hop artist is pretty tough. It would be easier to get that job in my dad's chicken shop.
I really want to be a hip hop legend, but you know, we can't all get what we want. That's life. Guess I'll fry some chicken instead.
NO! NO, DAMMIT!
Are you here to settle for less than what you can get? Do you think it's greedy to follow your dreams? Do you think there's a limited number of spaces for being a hip hop artist, and you might be letting someone down if you became one?
No! You'd only be letting down yourself.
Here's the BIG concept that I want to introduce:
We can't always get exactly what we want. But on the inside, we can always be exactly who we want. And a lot of the time when you focus on becoming the person you'd like to be, the external things that you want will come to you too.
Your response to that statement might be:
But Max, say if I wanted to be really funny? Like Russel Howard? I can't just be as funny as him. Even on the inside, that's not me. I'm just not funny.
So here's the thing - you may well not be funny. But you do have a maximum capacity for how funny you can be. You can take a few classes, and you can get a lot funnier than you are right now.
There's aspects of you that you can't change, and there's aspects that you can.
I'll use myself as a bit of an example:
I'm not that tall. I have kind of greenish-brown eyes. I have my mum and dad, and those are my parents. I have a sister. I was born in London. None of that I can change. That's stuff I have to accept.
However - how humorous, confident, well-dressed, healthy, knowleadgeable, successful, strong, determined, positive, motivated and socially skilled I am - all of that, I can change.
So can you see that pretty much all the stuff that matters is in your control? It's all your responsibility?
I might be stuck being 5'8, but every single aspect that I can change or learn, I will maximise. I have a limit to how charismatic, confident, funny and skilled I am. And unless I am working to reach that full capacity, I am not satisfied with myself.
Set standards for yourself, then live up to those standards.
There comes a point where everything that you can't change, you have to just accept, and everything that you can change, you must maximise.
How exactly to get where you want to be
1. Be clear about what you want. Write up a paragraph about your ideal self; this will help.
2. Accept everything that's outside of your control. At the same time, get in the drivers seat of your life. Grab hold of every aspect of yourself you CAN control.
3. Drop all of your limiting beliefs. People get confused about what they can and can't change. They think that how confident you are, is like what your face looks like - it just is how it is. Realise what's actually changeable and what isn't. As a general rule: If it's your appearance or your past, it's outside your control. If it's any aspect of your personality or mind, then it's yours. You can make what you want of it.
4. Now, take the action to work towards this self. Sign up for those cooking classes. Go to more parties to build your social confidence. Speak to more girls, if that's your problem. Don't walk around in a haze. You can always be something different.
YOU'RE ONLY EVER AS GOOD AS YOU THINK YOU ARE.
YOU ONLY EVER ARE WHO YOU THINK YOU ARE.
So the key here is to realise that 'you' are made up of thoughts about yourself.
'I'm bad at maths' is a thought.
'I'm an introvert' is a thought.
'I'm ugly' is a thought.
None of those are the truth.
The truth is that you're a very malleable being - you can actually shape yourself and your mindsets, like clay.
The key to all this
The key is in your thoughts.
Next time you feel yourself getting tired, low-energy, annoyed at someone, bitter, shy, or anything you don't want, realise that all of this behaviour is coming from your mind.
Here's the technique to control yourself:
STEP 1: Have a simple thought that asks for what you want. 'I want to be more alert', 'I want to be more confident' , 'I want to feel less nervous right now'.
STEP 2; Your brain will do the work. Because you're affected so heavily by your thoughts, once you ask for something, your mind has to respond. But in order for it to give you what you want, you need to be in a state of allowing.
This means be relaxed and open, and let it come to you. If you're thinking 'this doesn't work' or 'I'm just what I am and it can't change' then you're resisting, and this method won't work.
Example: You're sitting in class feeling tired, and you're a shy person. There's a group task now. In your head, you make the simple request, 'make me more energised and friendly'. Now, you relax and allow your brain to respond to this. Within a few seconds, you feel more awake and you're confident enough to get the job done.
So simple, but almost no one realises you can do this!
This is why I say that when you feel good, life will go your way.
You have more control than you think!
Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed :)